Entry 13

December 29th - Sector Q247 - MSR2 Nora Greene

The Zephyr IV has been chaos. Because of the fluctuating morale of the crew, CRAVE and the Captain have taken it upon themselves to create all sorts of activities for us. At one point just before Christmas Morning, we had a cultural holiday breakfast, with a kosher dinner served in the mess hall that evening. (I am constantly amazed by the calibrations of our food processor.)

After that, a couple of the crew got together and meandered around the ship singing every carol they could remember (Including not-carols, like Dreidel, Dreidel.) The Marines tipped them in cigarettes. The nurses tipped them in colorful band-aids and we techies tipped them in origami analysis printouts made from scrap paper.

Mickey was singing, and surprise, he was pretty good! The greatest voice of all however, was Sargent of Communications, Wesley Hadley. He had that sort of deep, booming voice that demanded silence and awe. I haven't hung out with him really, but he is a little intimidating. His dark skin is perfect, his eyes are mysterious and piercing, and he's also about 6'6". So he's flipping tall.  Zee trailed around with them too, and by the end he was humming along too. Very harmonious.

Masaru played the Violin.

The Marines are hosting a weekly poker night, bargaining and betting on chores and cigarettes. (We can apparently smoke in one of the airlocks. They have atmo-cleansers in it so the smoke is flushed out when they're done.)

Christmas itself was nice. CRAVE changed the font and color of the analysis displays to red and green and There was always some sort of minty, festive dessert in the mess hall. And cookies. SO many cookies I could die. I think the sugar content alone made people feel better. Gift giving was sparse, obviously because where were we going to shop for anything? But... I did get hand made cards from people, and I sent out some CoreComm e-mails filled with cheer.

Lin is hosting a craft night. Julia wants me to go with her this week.I told her no originally, then Lin came up and asked me too. I'm thinking about it. Besides. I can't be in this crappy mood forever. I have to get over myself (and them) sooner rather then later. I'm going to be on this ship FOREVER so I may as well start now, right?

Apparently there is some fancy New Years Craft Thing they're doing. Julia is super excited, and she's contagious when she gets that way. (Except to Junpin. Junpin is immune.)

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Entry 12

December 17th - Sector Q247 - MSR2 Nora Greene

I really messed up.

I just got back from my first ever hour-long session with Doctor Hynes. Other then the monthly psyche evaluations he gives out of course. You see, I had a bit of an incident yesterday.

No, no, don't worry it wasn't anything like Royce. I didn't try to, you know.... But I shouted my head off in the mess hall for everyone to hear. It was the strangest thing. First thing was I was collecting my processed food in line like everyone else and as I was headed over to sit with Julia, Lin comes bouncing up to me.

"Hey Nora! I have a question."
I'm pretty sure I shrugged in a noncommittal manner.
"I was going to make something for Rex for his birthday and I need your help."
I think straight off when she called him 'Rex' I could feel the twitch at the corner of my left eye. And then when she decided she apparently needed my help with something for him It got my blood sizzling a bit. So I said something along the likes of, "Why do you need MY help? I don't know 'Rex' half as well as you do."
And Lin smiled at me with that chipper, happy, genuine nice-ness and said something like, "Well I know how well you two get along and thought you might want to help me make him something nice."
At least I think that last bit was what she said. I really only remember 'well I know how you two get along-'
Then I think I dropped my tray of food.

It was the weirdest sensation, like my fingertips went numb, and my face was hot and I felt like everything was blurry and moving in slow motion, and then words just started pouring out of my mouth. I can't even remember half of it, something along the lines of 'how can I get along with him if I never see him because you're always with him, and do you think anyone on this ship actually knows one another? Do you think we're all happy here like you and 'Rex'?'

When I snapped out of it, the world sort of pitched and I fell over and then I remember waking up and Julia was hovering next to me like a nervous hummingbird.

Dr. Hynes diagnosed me with mild C.D.A; or Compact Dwelling Anxiety. He told me not to worry that there's at least a dozen of us that have light symptoms. He told me to take it easy and try not to get stressed out and I won't have an 'episode' again. Julia suggested that I go talk to Lin and Masaru to straighten things out. Mainly so I don't worry about it anymore. Gatta be honest - terrified to do so.

In light of these events, CRAVE has seen fit to remind us what season we're in. All the screens are showing pretty Winter scenes and the temperature dropped a bit so we're all wearing sweaters and drinking hot coffee and cocoa. I think Lin and the others have been making garlands, because there are paper-ring strings hung everywhere.

I haven't really been to see anyone yet, I've been sticking to my basic duties, my bunk with Junpin, Gilda and Julia and the medical facility. This morning, when I was in the Server IV chamber, CRAVE spoke to me. Got me thinking.
"MSR2 Greene. May I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"I understand the symptoms and qualities of space-born illness, but i cannot compute the emotional triggers behind them. Why did you shout at Flight Engineer R3 Yang?"
"Well... I happen to like Pilot Hamatsu. She was spending a lot of time with him and I was not. So I got angry."
"Please explain."
"Well when people like someone they want to spend time with them. But if someone else is, I guess people feel awkward about being around them if they are a couple."
"So you feel awkward around them because they are a couple and because of this you yelled at Flight Engineer R3 Yang?"
Sigh. "Yeah. I guess."
"When you say couple I assume that you mean mated pair."
"Geez, CRAVE I don't know if they're mating."
"Do you believe Flight Engineer R3 Yang to be unsuitable for Pilot Hamatsu?"
"....No."
"Do you believe that Flight Engineer R3 Yang is inferior to yourself or someone else aboard the Zephyr IV?"
"No, CRAVE."
"Is there a more feasible reason for you to be angry with Flight Engineer R3 Yang?"
"No."
CRAVE was quiet for a moment. I was too. I wasn't sure how to explain jealousy to an AI, but I didn't have to. I was working it all out in my head.
I'm such a jerk.
"I do not understand certain nuances of human culture."
"I don't either CRAVE, its all right."

You know, the fact that I'm out in space and not on an inhabitable planet doesn't really bother me.  At least, not that I'm aware of. I think maybe it's the emptiness of outside that does.

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Entry 11

December 8th - Sector Q247 - MSR2 Nora Greene

I know. I know. It has been over a month. Everyone has been telling me to update my stupid CoreComm entries like its going to help. I'm only doing it now because Junpin, Mickey, Julia, Royce and all the other cook staff threw me an intervention. Even Archie was there. They sat me down so I couldn't escape and tried to get me to talk to them, but I didn't want to, so they demanded that I update my CoreComm.

I only agreed because they said they would leave me alone. I was probably being a little hard on them but... I just haven't felt like it.

Anyway... so we made it out of Border Space last week. With the mapping program we have, apparently we are in Q247. In layman's terms, its takes into account the infinite span of space and lays out segments of it like chunks of a sphere, bubbling out from our known space. We are in Q247.

Ok, so I've been in a really crappy mood. Remember that nonsense at the Halloween thing? How I was too embarrassed to talk to Masaru, and how I may have sort of gotten drunk to the point of no-memory? Well, I finally got over myself enough to go talk to him. I have Junpin and her critical snarkiness to thank for that one. I hunted him down after dinner only to find him holding hands with Lin watching some sappy movie as she cried into his shoulder. They were all snuggled up and everything, so I left.

Man I haven't felt so crappy since high school drama. I guess.... I just got really upset, you know? Here I am, crushing on this super talented, nice guy, out in space, alone with a small crew and nothing but stars and processed food, and there he goes picking Lin: the happiest, most upbeat and kind and pretty and talented and smart and -

Whatever.

So yeah. I should have known after seeing them dance on Halloween. She knows about classical music and opera and stuff like that and so does he and frankly they belong together and I wish them the best of luck.

I have analysis to run.

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